Barcelona and back (with some self reflection inbetween).

Well, what a relief.

After raising my frustrations to boiling point, I realised that a trip out of London was just what I needed to remedy my feelings of melancholy. A few days of catching up with a good friend (my best friend when he was living in London), some sunshine and chats with visitors from Italy and housemates from Germany stamped out my plaguing worries of the past week. It became clearer to me, that those worries and feelings of despair were stemmed from my current environment -that I need a change. My friend's reaction to this sudden epiphany was 'it's going to be the same wherever you go -not knowing anyone and having to start things all over again.'
I disagreed -I've been here for almost four years but I feel as though I have nothing good to say about this experience. I hate almost everything about this city -the things I do enjoy, just do not seem to outweigh the things I loathe. Of course, there were moments of fun and laughter. I've learnt much about my ability to survive in new environments. But this is a chapter I feel is coming to a close, and though I'm willing to give my best to make this year the best year of my life in London -I know there is something better out there in the rest of the world.

A colleague of mine said to me today, 'London can be a lonely and depressing place. But it has it's advantages if you can see past its limitations. It allows you the freedom to be independent and self contained -to do whatever it is you want to do without needing to be tied down or dictated by relationships. Accept this and things will be easier.'

And just like that, I felt my sense of hope...grow.